CEREUS....

2011-02-25T05:11:00.000-08:00

NiGhT FaLl.......

The scum from the nostrils oozed out to inspire deeply.

The labyrinth has delved to create a confusion,

a derridean aporia,a naxal anarchy..an internal struggle to resolve the centre to throw it out to the dust bin of a rusted iron,might be that kept outside that jn.of General hospital,

highly ferrocious of not the nuclear wastes,

but of some fatal thoughts,

obsolete ideologies still puking out to the air of strong magnetic fields,

impregnating shocks of induction to make your brain gulp to the notions to be the valencybonds.

You are addicted to the configurations beyond mythologies,

it defined you..i named you ionic for the inesccapable realse of some electrons as a night fall...

I strongly made a hole to escape from the dipolarity,

rejecting the tuning forks to brood over me,

when i ran almost to hide in some marginal poststructural text to get lost my'self' in between the absecnce of a futile present..

that now i realised you have started reading the gaps inbetween the weighty words..chasing me constantly into a dispersed suspension of ripples..this time my way was to lake of titicaca.......

no regrets...the night must fall............

2011-01-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

….antichrist….
Unequivocally…my mornings are growing older….
A strange out cry from a lonely soul..
This morning is pricking me beyond my blood…
Its spattering without a shade.
I remember of the stone which carried the weight.
The frozen winter dew…
Its hard to border feelings,my heart…
To keep a cognitive mapping,
I fear, when they are going to chain me beyond landscapes…
Its gradually becoming an existential angst…a pain………..a strange out cry.
The train has a chain,my mind has a chain…beyond any ideologies..
it moves beyond my fallen orders .
Justifies to gulp all those lacrimals yet to born….
i wish for a rain…to laugh with the world.
To forsake my wound…it hurts to death, when the fall drops on the vaccum of my flesh.
I was providing a dark destination for you to rest….. an interstitial space

when you wanted to make your remembrance beyond ages piercing the hymen,tearing the nerves and grinding the teeths...

The red made patches in the off white cotton,

embarked with the reminiscence of a lost identity,

the rust started spreading in the bromium brown and the white othering the red.

the red has penetrated to the depths...
Antichrist..antichrist…antichrist…
The pelting snow has given some sunken violets from a hill
Strange out cry…that is my aversion,the stems are ruined,nothing to speak about roots…
But the flower forbid to give up the best smiles even from a venomous aroma….

It pukes me….pukes a lot.

??????????

2009-02-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

This time I never forge regret in my delicacy for the fact that I left you. The day I grade you and remarked-am a masochist so I love left alone by the nameless relation in this pink crust of uneven dreams. An expectation of a night message, leading top to the moon with the concrete steps, the hanging coconut leaves, moon is realized to be cut into unequal parts with the shade of the leaves. Stars I guess have gone to prepare for me a dirge for the coming years,if not at least for few dark days. Everything is monotonously captured by ME,a special night of my own. Am in one end from the god’s own country and you somewhere struggling for existence, suffocating in the concrete jungles.You really loved your life I know.You had a lover I know in the dazzling cold islands of corals before she left you cold .Its better to go for a dream that I haven’t met you in my life before..What impact a meeting can create? Nothing but a vision can do a lot more I guess, no complete stand of my own. I can’t cut even into paragraphs because there is no stop in the flow of my thoughts about you as we simply transformed the seconds to hard hours. It’s getting mixed impacts. A nameless relation I keep with you, it’s your reminder. I say its nothing above than a friendship but you assure its something above than any relations. It’s nameless and we are damn special friends…
It will be like a history to recall our past. Quite a boring one nowadays to think about those baseless emotions. I penned the first letter to you, prayed near the red box to get delivered to you because I know it should cross the purity of the ever purest partner of the Arabian Sea. T here was always a materialistic distance between us. A m excited you are living near the sea. What was the shape of your face? I don’t know but I know you got an innocent smile. What else I know about you, nothing just know I got the hallucinated effect of few lyrics and I spare a thought for you.Hearing Lucky Ali’s gori teri aankein kahein why should I remember you? Even it doesn’t match with our themes may be the lyrics got that magical power. Why did that song settled in me for near to a decade? Why I made it my hello tune and made you hear it again and again. Today like a mild dosage I watch it again to realize am a human being, I will get fed up with the song like wise I thought will think about you every day so you will vanish from my visions forever,am a human being it should happen. But tell isn’t me an angel? Why again rushing is coming from my eyes when you surrender me with few frozen memories.

How many times should we make up a break-up in the relations? This time I made a tear in your eyes, left you bereft.Bereft? i must be wrong am forgetting that you are now a metro sexual in the most rocking city of India. You are no more with your head pasted with oil and your forehead with the ‘sandal wood paste” You got a good smile I know but I forgot to see how masculinity made a change in you .Today I consoled myself, I escaped from you with the thought that my scrap book is locked, my album is locked.Shtyle or Facebook, whatever everything got a decline button to make you exist from my world of reality.Today am a mystery for you as usual..But I know you noticed my all changes in my orkut profile’tells you am in Hyderabad, in a reputed university, am a jovial soul with friends. Me too ROCKING ON…..Still why at times staring at the projector of the film theory class I bang to invisible tears? Again no similarity with our theme to THE LAST LAUGH…it’s a German expressionistic film, but I assure an expression gone itself before allowing the bud to bloom as a flower,may be a cereus and to droop forever. Why your voice irritated me inside when you dedicated me the songs from some Pakistani bands, Why I apathies you as the future Indian Idol. why I gave my pearly tear in the evacuated hall even skillfully hiding it from Ammu who was sitting beside me trying to find a reason to speculate the work of farhaan and crew as she does with the sagar stores sand witch and spencer’s chaat..why I was forced to compare myself with sonam in Luck by Chance…Still sipping the choco feast from sagars,cracking jokes at pals, confused with Jibu Matthew’s research paper made it clear online saying CONFUSED WITH EPIPHANIES. Walking along the roads in late night , having a mess with cuppa mania and krackjacks all compel me to find an identity a quest of my elope from my broken promises. I assure am going back to myself because I started killing you from my interiors, but the lost hours in the empty church can perhaps console me.Something,something is left in me but no options we won’t find the night’s endless chaats,musical rain ,may be a moment in the optimistic future you may find a dejavou about it never mistook it as a dream infact it’s my dedication as a virtual reality to you. Am changing and want to change for I got a strong mind, no options again left . I realized the first step of my solitude…Am leaving all memories in vain. I will cremate my words either in the barren lands of A.P or in Karnataka border .Rain, rain and rain Iam loving here, am tainted with the heat which dehydrated me like heart dipped in salinity. Am an existence who loves to get hurt though I never care how the scorching heat kills me ,the skin is shedding pehapsKrishna is living in me, at times I meditate about my nostalgia, still love to hear the same Kailash kher songs,the turmoil life is still in me,the lonliness is getting polished day by day atlast again am remembering my plight; THE PLIGHT OF A LUCKY NO:7 SAGITTARIAN. Am locking my day saying am the happiest living creature in the world as with James Joyce a realization from an epiphany. Today you are free from my care and I thank you for making me feel regret on my immature thoughts-‘a revenge to everyone, sometimes even to my own blood. A hatred I kept with the found; the bookishness made me aloof from the ancestral ways, if not me too an oracle with the fiber threaded hair, a cloth in saffron and the reddish tongue with spit in the mouth, watering and giving away those magical vibrations, if bit of divinity left, make me the cock,cut the throat, take away the wings,sip the blood, quench your thirst….am no more me”…..so weird in remembering the past, am forgetting saying a sorry that you got that power to make me dead, make me stick to an irrational difference, lowering me to a microscopic organism. Am in room no: 27,from corridor am hearing jamming music, the campus is silent rushed to the hard decibel noises….am feeling a freeness, a mild music of Bryan Adams is soothing me, now its time for me to feel the consequences of my epiphany unlike Joyce, let me go for a temporary death in search of a new vocation in the next day afternoon dreaming about the salty chicken of mess at a hope behind this closing of eyes. its materialistic aesthetic happening………

A strange patho's....

2008-10-06T02:38:00.000-07:00

A strange pathos,

there is a lump of tumour in my throat,

make me spit it out....

perhaps its an ache from the contraction of the uterine walls.

make the blood flow from the puss,the sin from the fate...

forging in my womb...........

Let me crack the shell,

a black magic transparency,

take the breath.....

Am leaving few cells-a tissue;

perhaps an exisistence,never care allow it to flow in the amniotic fluid,

that's my care....my lullaby.......forever .......

An unknown escape to the destiny.........

2008-10-06T00:30:00.001-07:00

THE footprints in the pudgy mud,
A crack in the delicacy of my vein,
The spattering cold blood,
Made a warmth in an unquenchable desire,
Now I deserve an unknown escape to the destiny,
A lunatic smile of sorcery.
My eyes are in verge of the extinction of that reality,
Still my iris makes a fake smile,
Stooping to the reminiscence -
‘Throw my soul into the funeral,
Take away my anklets, indeed chain me,
Make the candles of my eyes blur,
Hug me with the garland of thorns just to make a fake reality to console the pain bearing by the heart…..

Along with my shadow I yell-the broken pieces of art of an unknown feeling piercing the walls-
I heard the sadistic smile somewhere as death an unknown guest a way near..
The powder of ferns in my palm says-
I saw my reflection in that depth
It smiled, tried to name the unknown feeling dissolved in the depth,
Still have you found the tear out???
Utter loneliness,
Felt the world evacuated like my womb,
A fainting breath in the reminiscence of the realization,
Making a crack in the inborn imagination….
Still I smiled..

The blood which fell from my vein in the friction with the stone spread as the words stained in the paper…..

I am trying to make my vision blind,
May darkness pervade me?
Still a tear is left from the lamenting heart….
Feeling like falling to an abyss
I fantasy it was a fantasy,
The crack in the heart is creaking,
I can’t bear that heavy breath,
I wish you haven’t mistook me as a moth, though my colorful fluttering reflected you..
Adieu …..my unknown nostalgia…take my breath away because I have fallen in you….now its too late to come back to life…..

An optimistic fugue

2008-10-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

Let the memories be in dreams

I want to be a frisky lady

A fully-fledged mentality I wish I own.

No more fumble in surge of love,

It sparks from the dearth of darkness

Let it find its own way to lead me

No more fulmination and fulsomeness

Now everywhere the rhythm of spree around me

I don’t care if you say I am a frump
Because I have manumit you from my heart
To enjoy the sparks……

You won’t find my heart malodorous again,

I have pasteurized it with marjoram
And allowed my soul to fly paradise….
Now no paraphernalia of my own only few paraffin is left…
Mend it to a candle Let the spark spread to the hearts

Entangled with a despaired smile………..

these drops values a lot...

2008-10-06T00:26:00.001-07:00

These drops values a lot because it is the dilation of an emotion from the depth. How can a life be led when there is a perfect mental faculty??
Do I have to make the stinking smell of sweat, the decaying spit and the puss filled wound to flow into your eternity??
As a commitment let me share the viscosity with you, recreating a belief, its never unadultered, its how my morality finds its way to felicitate the beauty of the words I still owe...

strings......

2008-10-06T00:23:00.000-07:00

the strings of lyre is played…..
an

invisible certainty ….

am drenched in your soul…..

an unheard heartbeat may be played for you…..

Alone I stay and will forever….but a smile preserved in me says…

“Will wait for you and for a path diverse from the eyes…”.

What a strange pathos???

I have found me in you…..?

Found a love in your eyes….??

A waiting in your soul…..???

Put the veil of imagination,

It’s fairy tale freshness,
Clouds drifting from sky,
Stars making the wreath’s of reality

The strings of my hand are making the pain again…

Head a static,
Dynamic in blank dreams..

The wound is visible in the way stretched……

Eyes staring the breeze…
Winking to zephyr
The strings of yours are stretching….

Leave the strings here…..

Let me catch my breath…..

The fumigation around……

A pain is left somewhere,
murderous instinct…..

Am leaving the cereus bloomed earth,
I want to leave the strings,
Way for the junipers

A tear is left to make a hole in the violin….

An elf born from the virgin,
The red kept the purity,
Somewhere a soul in quest…

Because a stain somewhere stinking???

Let me take the dark carpet…
Kiss my soul, before your eyes dim….

A reality I stand…
But somewhere a part of you is unseen…..

Now am going to play the lyres from cherubim…..

Tune with me you ‘hobgoblin’…….

refugee............

2008-10-06T00:19:00.001-07:00

there is a worm in my heart,
some told it is a tubifex,
sucking the blood,
making me feel a pleasure,
a pleasure of being pricked the heart.
Taking my lymph out
Keeping up my virginity,
Swallowing my cells
it still moving in me
wuthering heights….
Up above the brain down to the fellopians it gushed…..

No seedlings it left to grow as a sapling,
I played a blackmagic on it,it shrinked,
Spitting out the blood it died…….
I never stopped being rhetoric
I questioned its origin.

The squeezed blood from it remarked-its from a decayed mortality,
Alas I found it came from your soul,
Struggling from an unbearing thirst,
And found refugee as a worm in my ventricle,
Without knowing it is also a glacier,failing to see my body too making a way near its tomb…very near,still near again a hand distance…….

an indebted compliment......

2008-10-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

Call me a ‘fool’
I will give you a smile….
Struggling to find out my reputation you called me a ‘poetess’
The owner of a composed feature
Saying my eyes speaks while the words flow….
You better call me a Shakespearean fool…
My life will be indebted to your words
Because you realized I made a stand without a clown.
You identified me not in a ‘GLOBE’
But in the dusty streets…..
I don’t have a piper with me but have a dream
Its involuntary beats giving out the echo,
Now I will compel you to name me one…
But I may confess am I worth enough to be called one? you decide…

A LIFE..........

2008-10-06T00:12:00.000-07:00

A life which is so mean…

Make it desolate, forlorn…..no more visions in this lustful eyes,

The ashes of broken skulls so… phosphorous white…..

Big holes are made by destiny, piercing the eyes out…..

Everything is bare and gray,
Earth picked the sense organs forever….

The brown skin is decayed in the morose earth….

Let earthworm fertilize it May snakes shower sin……..
Let the carriage of shallow
soul starts its journey in the search of salvation…….